A wealthy foreigner writes…
Dear Governor Yuthasak Supasorn… and indeed, all your excellent colleagues in Thailand’s fabulously creative and intelligent Tourism Authority…
As a wealthy foreigner, I want to take this opportunity to congratulate you on your innovative and forward-looking proclamation in support of rich people such as myself. Your latest initiative in opening the gilded gates to the beauteous Kingdom of Thailand through special visas available to only well-heeled (and frequently showered and deodorised) persons such as my esteemed self, is not only immensely intelligent, but also demonstrates extremely forward -looking leadership which we can only hope that less enlightened nations will eventually follow.
Your stated intention of attracting rich people like my good self to your wondrous country through the issuance of long-term visas (upon demonstration of extreme wealth stashed in opaque and dodgy un-numbered bank accounts around the globe) is exactly what is needed to keep the unsavoury, low-class and penurious riff-raff away from your glorious shores.
Why, only last week while I was out spending lavishly in an uber-stylish boutique in Phuket’s fabulously posh Laguna district, I saw an obviously poor person cluttering up the pavement and attempting to park his scruffy, low-class motorcycle next to my brand-new, gas-guzzling, BMW SUV with its specially-curated number plates, advertising how rich and wonderful I am to all and sundry via a special bright, flowery number plate (for which I, of course, paid a huge premium).
However, this scruffy personage had the abject effrontery to attempt to align his obviously inexpensive and broken-down piece of road trash next to my own gleaming testament to my extreme success, importance and wealth. Well, honestly! Where is it all going to end?
If forward-looking countries such as Thailand fail to keep these obviously penurious trailer-trash visitors out, the country will become jammed up with dirty, scruffy personages getting in the way of all we high-rollers and our glamorous Soi Thonglor nightclub super-spreader escorts as we make our imperious way to luxurious. champagne-fueled, beachside brunches; curated wine dinners; and private, invitation-only parties in the super-luxe beachside mansions of our wealthy friends.
The world is already becoming cluttered up with nasty, unwealthy persons bleating on about “equal opportunities”, “inclusiveness” and “democratic values for all” and other such arrant nonsense.
Well done, Thailand! Let’s nip this insidious equality nonsense in the bud here and now!
Yours most sincerely,
(Very Rich Person)