UFO Phil, self-appointed intergalactic frontrunner for US president, announced last week he has been granted authority to assume the job without waiting for the November election.
“I’m going to become your new president. ... Don’t worry, [Barak] Obama, Mitt Romney and whoever else can still have their little election.
That’s not going to affect me,” UFO Phil, whose real name is the slightly less ridiculous sounding Phil Hill, said.
In interviews with several media outlets, Hill said he is in possession of secret scrolls that are written by beings from another planet. Apparently aliens are into totalitarian dictatorships, because Hill claims those scrolls give him authority to assume presidential leadership without a democratic election.
Once he assumes the presidency, Hill says he will establish a “Senate for Terrestrial Alien Relations”, to welcome the arrival of “brothers from space”. Hill also said he will decommission all military ships at sea, in favour of a new fleet of flying discs with spaceports in major cities around the globe.
In addition, he wants to build a giant stone pyramid behind the Hollywood sign. The pyramid would be similar to the ones he wants to build on top of Pikes Peak in
Colorado and on Alcatraz Island in San Francisco Bay.
“The Statue of Liberty has to come down,” Hill said. In its place, he will erect a much taller “Monument of Zaxon”.
Zaxon, according to Hill, is the leader of the aliens. “He has very nice skin and will look phenomenal as a statue.”