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The Casey Returns

SOFTBALL: The big question heading into last Saturday’s softball action was whether Casey “The Casey” Kilbane would return to Phuket Softball following his unexplained absence the week prior.

Jared Spindel

Friday 3 March 2017, 12:02PM

Softball’s missing legend Casey Kilbane was back in full swing last weekend. Photo: Anisa Van Der Laan
Softball’s missing legend Casey Kilbane was back in full swing last weekend. Photo: Anisa Van Der Laan

The suspense was short-lived, as The Casey was seen ‘rushin’ to the Alan Cooke Grounds (ACG) early.

“No ‘stallin’ for me, I’m eager to ‘put in’ some practice, as my slump ‘must go’,” said a possibly hammered or sickly The Casey.

Asked to explain the previous week’s absence, he maundered on about the decision not being his, but that of a previous administration of some sort. He then tweeted aspersions against the ‘mainstream media’, stating that he had in fact been at the game the previous week and had hit homeruns like nobody had ever seen.

Half of Phuket Softball then mindlessly chanted his name and elected him a team captain.

Last Saturday’s (Feb 25) first game did not go as The Casey had hoped, as for the first six innings the True North Trudeaus achieved a complete and total shutdown of runs on the scoreboard, taking a big league 11-0 lead into the seventh and final frame.

The Yankees managed to spoil the shutout with a solitary run in the seventh, but still lost by a final score of 11-1. The Yankees then celebrated their tremendous victory with their many tremendous fans who caused a tremendous six-block lineup at the tremendous ACG bar, according to senior Yankees’ official John Barron.

In the second game, Mel “Boobs” Galarneau captained a squad against Robby “De Belgian” De Vylder. The captains unfortunately gave their teams names that are not suitable for publication. Nevertheless, the story of the game was that the big aggressive bats of Galarneau’s squad repeatedly smashed balls deep into the gap, taking a 6-4 victory over De Vylder’s squad, which choked under pressure and several times squirted away a lead.

Notable players last Saturday were Nai, who made playing second base look ngai (falling tone); centre fielder Marcus “Warrick Brown” Rogers, who misjudged a line drive early on but fulfilled his subsequent guarantee that he wouldn’t get fooled again; and Brooks “Was Here” Bebon, whose suffocating defence helped his team hang in the game.

The games also saw the debut of two new players. One was a German catcher/third baseman, whose name was not recorded by the softball correspondent, so let’s go with Dieter Sprockets. Herr Sprockets wasn’t an experienced softball player, but he did exhibit the savvy of a veteran catcher by inducing a pop up after telling an easily amused batter to “get to the chopper” prior to his swing.

The other player to debut was Eric “Kirby Phuket” Haeg, whose home state of Minnesota was the proud home to the world’s largest ball of twine between 1979 and 1994 according to the Guinness Book of World Records, and still through today according to the fine residents of Darwin, Minnesota – not them good for nothing cheaters in Cawker City, Kansas.

The next games tomorrow (Mar4), beginning at midday at the Alan Cooke Ground. Players are encouraged to show up at 11:30 to warm up and take batting practice. Everyone is welcome to play and equipment is not needed. It’s B100 per player, all of which goes to the ACG to help maintain the field.

For more information, click “like” on the Phuket Softball Facebook page and RSVP at the Event Page for this week’s game.



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