JOB: Asia Job Consultant for aerospace manufacturer Primus International.
- What were you doing 10 years ago?
Organising Phuket property exhibitions in Hong Kong, Singapore, the UK and other places.
-How long have you lived on the island and why did you move here?
I came here 20 years ago making videos for the Tourism Authority of Thailand, the King’s Cup Regatta, hotels and marinas. I lived in Bangkok for 10 years and still work mainly in Bangkok, but my house and office are in Phuket.
-What were were doing before you moved here?
To Thailand? Working for the World Expo Authority for the production of Expo 88 in Brisbane, Australia.
-What is best thing about living here?
There are no parking policemen, few breathalysers, good massages, pretty girls and almost no Jehovahs’ Witnesses and Mormons on bicycles.
-What do you do to relax?
Go to good pubs, restaurants, beaches and islands. Park where I want, drink too much and drive home, have a massage, take the pretty girl out for dinner, play the piano and watch the History of WWII in colour and other brilliant documentaries that nobody else cares about. I look for old laws that prove that politicians do nothing about reforming laws. Any politicians.
-What hobbies or sports are you interested in?
Watching rugby and anything else in the pub. A bit of golf when it’s not too hot.
-What is your favourite childhood memory?
Nicking the port wine from the back room after church.
-Favourite food or dish?
You must be joking. I travel all over the world, live in one of the greatest cities on earth for food and you want a favourite dish. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer. A sausage sandwich.
-What kind of music are you into?
Beethoven to AC/DC. Killers a great band, Human is a great song. Favourite band in Thailand: Unicorn, all-Thai-girl band at Titanium in Sukhumvit Soi 22. I spent 10 years in the music business, production of shows, writing scores for orchestra, playing piano and managing bands.
-What is the best tip you have for people moving to Phuket?
Stay away from motorcycles and jetskis. Talk to me if you want to buy a house.
-What is the funniest thing that has happened to you while living on the island?
Getting a letter from the British Embassy asking what I meant when I told the BBC that if they continued to misrepresent the situation in Phuket after the tsunami, they might not be safe here.
I told them that it meant whatever they thought it meant.
I have no idea why Thailand did not issue a travel warning on the UK during the recent riots. I would’ve given them the right headlines – “Nation on Fire” – payback time for the tsunami and the Red Shirt travel warnings. Pommy a***holes.
-The person you admire the most and why?
Me. Stupid sometimes, brilliant sometimes.
-If you could come back as any other person who would it be and why?
Me with a lot of money.
-Is there anything you don’t like about living here?
Whinging foreigners.
-Favourite place on the island, and why?
The pub, Joe’s Downstairs and the Black Cat. Why? I like eating and drinking, watching football and telling lies.