BIG LIST: Crazy Conspiracies
Friday 24 February 2012, 02:54PM
Everyone loves a good conspiracy theory, even if for nothing more than to laugh at the stupidity of them. Here, some of the sillier ones floating around the interweb:
One particularly whacky theory suggests Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) deliberately causes impotence in black men. Colonel Sanders, the face and founder of the fast-food giant, was supposed to have left 10 per cent of his earnings to the Ku Klux Klan in his will, sparking rumours that the Colonel’s “secret blend of herbs and spices” was made a little extra spicy to render African American men sterile. In reality, the ‘drug’ was probably little more than pure deep fried fatty goodness – obesity is directly linked to impotence. KFC is now owned by a black man.
If you believe the theorists, Nazis had conquered space by 1942 and built a base on the moon and had also made contact with advanced alien races, even before Eisenhower (see left). So palpably false is the theory that it would be condescending to point out the obvious flaws; suffice to say that if Hitler had been capable of space travel, he may have just managed to win the war.
Then there was one:
Paul McCartney is dead – killed in a car crash in 1969. The former Beatle, who released a new album this month (see our review on page 21), is
little more than a look-a-like/sound-a-like. Apparently. Theorists claim that if you play ‘Revolution 9’ backwards you hear the sound of a car crash and the words “turn
me on, dead man”. Although, if Sir Paul’s solo career has been anything to go by, this one may actually be true.
Playing in goal for Coventry City would not appear to be the most logical first step to revealing yourself as the son of God and saviour of the universe. But you try telling that to David Icke. The former goalie remains convinced that his divine duty is to warn us of the impending doom our world faces at the hands of 7ft tall, blood-drinking lizard people. Needless to say, evidence for this theory is a little thin on the ground.
A scanner darkly:
The barcode system is not a simple way to tick your groceries through the supermarket tills, but rather a tool of Satan. The “number of the beast”, 666 is apparently encoded into each one, and the whole barcode system was designed by the devil to infiltrate the minds of the unsuspecting general public. Ridiculous? Yes, unless you’ve seen some of the prices at some of Phuket’s more upmarket restaurants, which can surely only be the result of some form of devilry.
Following the 1992 launch of the Microsoft ‘Wingdings’ font, students everywhere with too much time on
their hands began to play with the typeface, which replaces letters with well-known symbols. Satanic teachings, secret plans for world domination and even future terror plots are among the weird
and wacky messages supposedly contained in the font. Which raises another point – kids, don’t do drugs.
Black and white:
To call this a conspiracy theory may be a little too kind to those who believe it – that Michael and Latoya Jackson are one and the same person. Of
course, both the late King of Pop and his sister are/were big plastic surgery fans. And they do look surprisingly similar – probably because they’re brother and sister.
The Clinton Body Count is a list of 50 to 60 of Bill Clinton’s associates who have died “under mysterious circumstances”, apparently assassinated by Bill during and before his presidency. What they don’t mention is that most of the people on the list didn’t actually die under suspicious circumstances, and most had dangerous positions (such as police officers and soldiers). Or at least they became dangerous when a murderous Clinton was on the rampage.